"I Don't Know"

I was late for the first round, too late. It was already an hour past the default time. Having forfeited the first round, I stopped having high hopes of winning the 6-round event. But things went quite differently. I won the next four games, and in the last round, I played on the first board. I was trailing my opponent by half a point, and a win would have guaranteed me first place. That was the first moment I believed that I could win the event, just like everyone else. I was playing a lower-rated player, and I knew that I would beat him on any given day. But good things are sometimes not meant to be. I stumbled into a losing position, and my opponent only accepted my draw offer because a draw guaranteed him first place. This one hit hard. I was tasting an over-the-board failure for the first time in quite a long time.

But this made me realise something...

The Worst Feeling Comes After Failing to do Something You Know You Would have Normally Done.

When I went into the final round, I was playing in a tournament I believed I would win. It is exactly this that makes this draw so brutal. I wish I had not believed in myself, just like I had been since the tournament began. I should not have believed I could do it, just like a beginner.

Stop Believing in Yourself...

It goes against everything. But I am willing to risk it. Yes, it may not be the best, but it takes the weight off your back. Experts feel the pressure to always perform at the level of an expert; it's the burden of becoming better. Cast doubt on the belief that you know enough; dissolve your ego; empty your cup; it will take you far.

Can you do it?

I asked the humble one. He smiled and replied, "I don't know", neither "I can" nor "I can't". He wasn't even in the middle. Rather, he was in a higher dimension; the dimension of uncertainty. I think it's where we all should be; it's where we all belong.